Wednesday, October 27, 2010

A True Love Letter

Who knew a little old fashioned love letter/want-ad taped to a payphone (which they still have; I actually used a couple of them lately = not fun) could attract so much attention. Is it bad of me to suggest that this is actually fitting since the type of woman he is looking for is most definitely using payphones? NOTTT! Well....shit. Now that I think about it, I don't know what a non-charging girl like this would be doing on the weekends. Or ever. Good luck Malik. You're going to need it! And yes, he's wearing a fanny pack. Ps. His interests are amazing; I love that favorite cars is separate from "other vehicles."














via Dlisted.com

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Halloween post!

And people wonder why Halloween is my favorite holiday. This pretty much sums up everything I love about October, and maybe life in general. I actually just saw Belzer in a movie the other day (The Big Picture, 1989), so this must be fate. Either that, or he's sneaking up on us. Yes Belzer: sing it! This is what I get for following Ice-T on twitter, and oh how glorious it is. And don't ask me about that whole "one-toothed" vampire thing; I guess maybe Belzer sees it as an analogy for his own quasipotent life? Then again, it is a love song so I guess everything is working out as it should. Get those honies! And Happy Halloween!





And in case you were wondering what Richard Belzer looked like back in the day (ie 1978)....


Monday, October 25, 2010

The flight of Antoine Dodson never ends

The home intruder deterrent - glossy-haired word poet with pizazz continues his flight of glory. Here we see what technology can do for you! But seriously, I have no frickin' idea what this app does and I don't really care. I just hope it does well so that we can see more commercials like this! And don't worry America, the TV news is clearly not going anywhere. Because it's obvious that managing to get a 2 minute segment on your local news channel is still one of the most viable ways of achieving instant fame in the era of constant digital propagation. Dream on small town curiosity figures: your time is yet to come!




Friday, October 22, 2010

Screw You Science!

Here I was, minding my own business, relaxing on the pot (appropriate double entendre), and I realized that my own toilet paper was trying to brainwash me! In fact, it was so outrageous that I am addressing this letter to the kings of justice of my local school board. How dare Trader Joe's impose their evolutionary he-be-je-be 'not-of-Jesus' magic on me? That's right: there are DNA strands on my toilet paper! They're even wrapped around living things like butterflies and flowers so you know exactly what sorts of loveable lifeforms it's coding for! Preposterous I tell you! Or, as my favorite Southerny's would tell you, "it's just not possible." Screw You Science!


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

It all makes sense now....

I've clearly been doing almost everything wrong in my attempts to locate and be wooed by shirtless men named Dr. Francois. Let the awkwardly adorable Katherine, who is not afraid to use the phrase "Italian Stallion," and mean it, show you the way.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Arnold's not the only one!

Who knew Samuel L. Jackson was getting in politics? I mean, this dude is fierce. He is like a little old grandma getting ready to slap the silliness out of us. And that says a lot from the dude who stole Westinghouse's favorite party look! Keep it classy!











Monday, October 18, 2010

And so it begins....

Yes, it's only pop music. On the other hand, pop music basically rules the world at this point, so it makes this reinvention of the Singularity all that much scarier. Enjoy!


Wednesday, October 13, 2010

YES! of the day!

I'm sure we all remember back to the fabulousness of that "scrappy but lovable brother" incident that involved scaring off (and telling off) a breakin-cracky. Well, as I mentioned yesterday, this is the 21st century, people! And that means that a local news story with character = autotuned youtube video = performing at the fucking BET Hip-Hop Awards yo! Yes! That's all it takes! And weirdos wonder about that whole **balloon boy thing. I love how totally not stealing the spotlight Antoine is. He could have been up there like he was never going to see another camera in his life! But no. Antoine knows that the people love him. And there is no need to hurry. And by hurry I mean try and get as much attention as possible in as little time as possible. Nope Nope. Keep it cool. And keep it shiny!


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Uploaded by yardie4lifever2. - See video of the biggest web video personalities.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Good Morning Sunshine!

Yes, my friends, there is still hope in this here 21st century. The outcasts will rise and instant global proliferation of images means that people who might never have been noticed can now unite the world in harmony and awe. Okay, that's a little grandiose, but it's not like I'm talking about Jersey Shore here. Besides, as an evolutionary anthropologist, I got to give major props for making us remember how opposable our feet used to be. Keep rocking!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

YES! of the day!

I feel like this information really says everything you need it to on its own. I mean, it's a pay-to-pump wine station. Could things get any trashier? I'm actually at a loss for words. Coming to a Safeway near you circa 2011...

"Keg wine and wine vending machines just got supersized: 500 and one-thousand liter tanks have landed in French supermarkets.

Bring your own resealable bottles, Poland Spring containers, jerrycans, whatever. Or you can get one at the store. Select your grade (red, white, or rosé). Pump. Print receipt. "


[via Dr. Vino]

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

YES! of the day

This dog is definitely a better dancer than I am. And I don't even want to think about how many hours it would take me to memorize such a mesmerizing routine. Too many. Question 1) How does the dog do it?! It's ridiculous! Question 2) How buff is that dog's back legs? I mean, I wouldn't want him dream-running away on my thighs! Question 3) Where did they get this absurdly appropriate dance number? "Que baile el perrito?" I mean, what?:did he record it himself? It appears to be his "cue" song, so...With this amount of invested cha-cha effort, I certainly wouldn't put it past him (Don Francisco) or that fame-whore of a bitch (Perrita Carrie). Final Question) How are people singing along to this song? I feel like I'm the only one at the party who doesn't know and/or doesn't care about the macarena. It's just wrong!

Swing those hips!

Friday, July 30, 2010

News of the Day

This news has been making the celebrity rounds primarily due to the sheer genius of the characters involved. Ah, America. The clip is about somewhere in the middle of the country where a woman woke up to find herself under crackhead attack and was rescued by her scrappy yet lovable brother. The brother is the point of interest on the blogs, probably because the dude is gloriously flamboyant. I mean, did you hear that description? He is speaking girlspeak that I'm not even close to up to date on. I need to get on that! All in all, it's a pretty amazing interview. My favorite part is when the girl talks directly to the wannabe rapist crook through the camera and asks him what he wants because she knows that she's not pretty. I mean seriously girl, have a little more self esteem! You are definitely bangable! Usually when I watch these news segments, the middle Americans are extremely obese and/or eating hamburgers in bed, so I think this chick looks divine! And this is why my film-making practices are so low-key. You just can't beat reality!



Oh man. And here's another amazing segment featuring the glamorous neighborhood hero....

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Music Video of the Day

Just when I thought Ice-T couldn't get any cooler....OMG did you know that he formed a heavy metal band in the early years and sang about racism and shook his crazy hair and stuff? It just blew my mind. That's right; this mind has been blown. Pretty soon this blog will just end up being a shriney homage to my favorite celebrity couple....


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Celebrity Showdown

Recently there has been some question about which lovely and lusty lady is more bootylicious. Now, as Beyonce has taught us, being bootylicious is not just about the size of your ass; no, no, it embraces a whole essence, or aura if you well, of being both bootiful and booty-bountiful, also known as being callipygous. Now, I don't know who uses that word, but it's amazing. And it invokes images of the magnificent Calypso whose name rings true of seduction and voluption. The two contestants are the incontrovertible Coco, wickedly wild wife of Ice-T, who is clearly the only reason I watch Law and Order or those terrible New York straight-to-VHS cop/crime thrillers.To be perfectly honest, I don't understand how Coco can be of this planet. These pictures represent just a few of the many reasons why a) I speak only praises b) I follow her on twitter, and c) Kim Kardashian is no match-up. Ok, yes, Kim Kardashian is younger, she has real breasts, and she's smoother in the face. But she's also the kind of chick to be filing her nails during your "special-friendly" time. Now Coco? This girl looks like someone who does the freaky stuff. I'm talking the freaky-deaky stuff. And so what if Kim has a sex-tape? I couldn't find any good pictures of her on google. Where are her sexy photos? I don't want to watch that creepy tape. It's probably like from a phone camera or in b&w or some uselessness like that. I want to see her move the planets with that ass, which has she as of yet failed to do. So keep trying Kim; this latest candid bikini photo is pretty mind-boggling, but you have a long way to reach the glory of curviness that is epitomized by the true glamour yet hardcore heftiness of Coco. I mean, she's just so legit! Also, Ice-T is awesome. Super awesome. He just got arrested for speeding with a suspended license while rushing his puppy to the vet for knee surgery. And then he posted the arresting officer's name and badge number on twitter. That is clearly the most gangsta thing I've ever heard.


"Your girl's thick, but my girl's thicker."




Monday, July 19, 2010

The Mondays

Here we are, on just another Monday in the United States, 2010. And yes, I guess Office Space is still relevant more than a decade later, largely because not many other decent comedies have come out since then. Here are the reasons, in order, why I can be diagnosed as having "a case of the Mondays."

1) Charice, an 18 year-old Philippian pop sensation who recently snagged a spectacular guest role on that Glee show with all the ridiculous cover songs, has undergone procedures for skin-tightening and botox to appear "fresh-faced" for her 15 minutes of life-altering TV time. And people aren't even really that disturbed by it. Yes, that picture is a current, albeit pre-botox, shot of her and not some sneaky pose-in of her 8 year old sister. Yikes. (via dlisted)

2) Consumerism is pretty much being shoved down our throats at this point as some sort of freaky-deaky solution to the economic recession and most likely the oil spill as well. This Amazon purchase, clearly a standout in your local copy of Skymall, epitomizes the height of American capitalism as I see it. Why pick up that bottle more than once when you can just fill your cup to the brim? I mean, do people actually drink whole bottles of wine (other than lonely yet attractive mid-thirties female FBI agents)? Are there really that many sad people/alcoholics out there? Or is this advertised to the fruity frat, pass-the-goblet around because we're too lame to have a peace pipe party, audience? Either way, I don't know why I don't have one yet. Or which cupboard would be large enough to stuff it in for that matter....(via dlisted) One reviewer says it well: "Why not just drink out of the bottle? :P If you want it aerated, just pour it in a bowl, and use a funnel to pour it back!" Amen.

3) All this stupid Arizona immigration stuff has led to renewed interest in the so-called Minutemen Militia, or civilian white-hick border control. They say they just turn over illegals to the authorities after giving them "water." The guns are apparently for self-protection against drug-slingers. Okay, so I can buy that stuff....from sane people. But when these whiteys proclaim themselves proud members of the National Socialist Movement, whose website is seriously sickening, I'm a little freaked out. I mean, their motto is "Fighting for White Civil Rights." Apparently they're only open to non-Semitic heterosexuals' of European Descent," which makes me a little hazy about my own ability to join. Oh wait, here's part of the application.....

Level of Desired Commitment (circle all that apply):
Active Membership ~ Supportive~Financial Role / Indicate Branch: NSM ($10.00/month) ~ NSM StormTrooper $10.00/month ) ~ NSM Woman’s Division ($10.00/month) ~Skinhead Division ($35.00/year, free NSM Patch) ~ Viking Youth Corps (13-18 years old) ~ ($5.00/month)
As an Aryan Citizen of the United States of America or _______________________ I support a strong free Republic without Jewish influence or control. I recognize the National Socialist Movement, in their efforts to improve the environment and living conditions for all Aryan people. I am in agreement with the goals and principles of the NSM and their aims therein to promote White European values. As a Member of the NSM, I promise to support the NSM and do my part in an effort to advance the Movement and our Race, as a whole. I will actively fight for the National Socialist Movement’s goals and initiatives by my contributions of money donations, materials, service and skills.
I, ___________________________________________, support the goals of the National Socialist Movement for all White European Nations. I pledge not to use any methods that are illegal, in the normal sense of the criminal statute, to attain the goals of the NSM and/or a strong free Nation State. I make this pledge to the NSM, of my own free will, for all White peoples to advance my Race.
I swear that I am not an agent or partisan whatsoever whose ideals are hostile to the NSM.


[vomit face]. The weirdest part is that the people they've been interviewing are loath to be associated with neo-Nazi's. I mean, there's a frickin' swastika in the goddamn logo! Who are they kidding? For me, this really says more about the educational system than anything else. Which brings me to....

4) I've been reading about this nonsense over the last couple of months in a variety of school settings. This one district clearly demonstrates the disgusting discussion that's been going on in some of the Southern states. The conservative school board members have voted to edit parts of the textbook to more fairly represent Republican viewpoints. My favorite edit is the one that takes out Thomas Jefferson as being an important historical figure due to his impact on the "separation of Church and State," clause. I mean, these Americans want to selectively ignore parts of their own Nation's history in order to further their demented, racist beliefs. Booo!
Some of the things that got voted down include:
-efforts to incorporate Latino leaders for the significant Hispanic population of the state.
-an amendment requiring that students study the reasons “the founding fathers protected religious freedom in America by barring the government from promoting or disfavoring any particular religion above all others.”

Things that went through include:
-a plank to ensure that students learn about “the conservative resurgence of the 1980s and 1990s, including Phyllis Schlafly, the Contract With America, the Heritage Foundation, the Moral Majority and the National Rifle Association.”
-a change to the teaching of the civil rights movement to ensure that students study the violent philosophy of the Black Panthers in addition to the nonviolent approach of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
-an amendment stressing that Germans and Italians as well as Japanese were interned in the United States during World War II, to counter the idea that the internment of Japanese was motivated by racism.
-They also replaced the word “capitalism” throughout their texts with the “free-enterprise system.”

I can't believe that people like this are the ones accusing non-Whites and Jews of being unAmerican when they are literally trying to rewrite history and promote the indoctrination of the their youth in a way that is contradictory to the founding fundamentals of equal rights and separation of Church and State in the United States. Until we reform our educational system and shake things up a bit, people are going to continue to receive inaccurate information in school and then grow up and shove the same thing down the throats of the next generation. I support mandatory teacher-exchange programs.

Friday, July 16, 2010

UPDATE: Smokahontas Jones and Memphis Blac Give a Lecture on the Nature of Prostitution in Society

This goes back to a previous post I did on a self-proclaimed "ho anthem" that took the world by storm last month. My assertion that the video stood as a certain class of PSA has now been widely confirmed by this newly released clip called "Memphis Blac and Smokahontas Jones Kickin Real Shit Discussing "Got Dat Work" video." Now, I don't know why everyone was so surly in the youtube comments, because I thought this video was an amazingly anthropological perspective on a social custom that has been going on, as Smokahontas aptly notes, "since before was Jesus was born." Okay, so there are some curse words (she probably said the words 'bitch' and 'nigger' 500 times...each), and their record office isn't all mod-ed out and shit. They are wearing clothes that are appropriate for the Miami heat....and the skinny one is blowing giant condom balloons. So....this may not be the classiest essay I've ever heard, but knowledge comes from all places. I mean, Smokahontas is dishing it out college-style, cursing badder than a sailor, making global references, smoking weed, talking a mile a minute, and frickin' rhyming...as in, her freestyle is so natural, when she preaches the beat comes to her...all at the same time. It's a work of genius. And if you can actually get your brain to motor along at the same speed as her mouth, you will find the weight of an African bull elephant's worth of insightful eloquence that might not ever have seemed possible. Seriously, this chick should come give a lecture in some of my anthropology classes. We talk about the same thing but with so much less...spunk.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Who knew....

....that electropop could save the world? That's right, first Gaga now Ke$ha and the soldiers around the globe have put down their guns to sing, dance, hold hands and skip. I personally wouldn't do any spins with an automatic weapon, but hey, they've got a lot more practice. Too bad these Israeli soldiers aren't receiving as much support as the U.S. troops overseas who shake their money-makers to the delight of family and gays back home. Maybe if they hadn't chosen such an annoying song....Watch it quickly; I hear the Israeli government/army/somebody with power is rushing to pull the feed.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

A new dance champion has arrived...

Well, if you noticed one thing about the 2010 World Cup, I'm sure that it's the difference between Ghana and everybody else in the post-goal dance effort. Those Germans, Dutch, blah blah blah, they run around, fall on their knees...Have you seen any whiter celebration? Yes, I know, it hasn't always been that way. I've included an impressive compilation of celebratory cock-thrusts. But only one player deserves to be added to that collection, and that is none other than The King, Lord of Africa, Mr. Gyan. Yes, he missed that goal. But, it happens to the best of us. And, as long as I have recollections of his booty-dancing, forgiveness can be given. I put in a short clip of his dance from this year, but it doesn't capture the true essence of that delightful memory engraved in the boogying section of my brain. So, a previous booty shake has also been bestowed upon you. Enjoy. Think of the high-life. And shake it, baby, shake it.







Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Music Video of the Day

Wow, who knew that Christians had a sense of humor? That's right, this music video comes straight from the hood of Tulsa, OK. The Church on the Move to be more precise. No, I have no idea what that means. They appear to have only a single location and my preliminary investigations showed no evidence of excessive televangelism/traveling preacher shows. So we can rule that out. Although, the whole setting up giant circus tents in the desert to writhe around the floor while screaming "Jesus!" and "Hallelujah!" does have its advantages. But these appear to be just regular Christians, albethem Christians who have realized the power of YouTube and have every intention of capitalizing on it. So, enjoy. Laugh a little. Enjoy the simple life of the Midwest. And remember, every neighborhood has its pimp....






Oh, and I definitely got this video off of Ice-T's YouTube channel (via twitter). Yay Ice-T!

Monday, June 28, 2010

It's a sad day when....

...You're outdanced by an 80 year old man. Of course, I'm always feeling outdanced, but seriously, I broke into a panting sweat just watching this guy! Where did he get moves like that? And where can I find a bar so deliciously elegant, tolerant and filled with white hicks? Extra props go to the young strapping lads that tried to make it a conga line by joining in. They pull off many of the moves, but in a haphazard way that makes that dude's artificial hips all the more impressive. Dayum, I hope he's gettin' laid tonight!



For extra measure, here is this amazing high school "body popping" competition that has been making the rounds. Whitey over there is like some sort of boneless snake freak who can move his body in ways I never thought were possible. What I would do for some mystical dancing shoes....Oh, and this was shot in 2001 which explains the ridiculous outfits (right?). It's amazing how video cameras (or phones) may be so much more portable than in the 90's, and yet we are left with the same quality. Ah, technology.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Music Video of the Day

You know, everyone is always going back and forth about which pop stars (cough cough Xtina) are imitating Lady Gaga in their music videos in an attempt to be fashionable. The Gaga has certainly rocked the American fashion world with her outrageous gettups. But the real question is, who has Lady Gaga been ripping off? While Madonna might be the first and most obvious answer, I provide here another contender. Hailing from my bloodland of Macedonia, this transgendered pop star has clearly set the bar high with her amazing music video. Unfortunately, I was unable to find a single biography in English about Boki 13 (born Bojan Jovanovski) other than "Macedonian drag legend, TV host, musical superstar and fashion icon." And she may or may not be 24. Luckily, I can let this piece of art speak for itself. Suck it Gaga. To be fair, it also seems like Rihanna and JLo may have hijacked some fashion moves as well...
















Thursday, June 24, 2010

Ad of the Day

The saddest thing about this advertisement, and this is pretty much is as sad as it can get, is that I bought it. That's right, the queen of skeptics and empress of lambasting advertisements actually watched to the end of this bs-fest and craved information about the product. Shoes? Shiny Cars? What fine feature of the consumer world can offer the unofferable and provide knowledge about the unknowable? What is it that can give us truth? Apparently the answer is scientology. Yes, super creepy. I actually saw this while thousands of feet above the Pacific Coast, on TNT no less. I can only hope that this ad made it past the hundreds of others vying for primetime L&O space purely because it was accompanied by the trailer for that new Tom Cruise movie that I have little to no interest in seeing. However it got there, it did it's damage. And it was damaging. I guess when you're trying to trick people into paying for some crazy theories about aliens while maintaining a presentable face and secretly controlling the largest media entity in the world (that's Hollywood folks), campaign strategy is pretty high on the "to-do" list. Mistakes like these happen to the best of us....right? To quote the most epic of children's songs....
"and I hung my head and cried."

What else are obsessive Star Trek fans good for?

Well, I least I never again have to feel guilty about not watching the t.v. show, because this maniacal fan has clearly cut out all of the most delicate and elegant scenes for us to enjoy in concert with Ke$ha's annoying popular Tik Tok. That's right, apparently Hollywood has been getting crunk for longer than most STD riddled teenie-boppers would ever care to believe.







I thought I'd also include this amazing mash-up that I have heard praised on shallow celeb sites and independent radio stations alike. That's right, some genius has not only realized that all (in this case 2010) pop songs sound the same, but they can be pieced together into an awesome piece of art that epitomizes the bland vulgarity of the contemporary popular music scene. All praise the music machine.


Sunday, June 13, 2010

Music Video of the Day

Man oh man. This heart-stopping music video had 19k views last night when I first watched it, and this morning it's at 30k views and counting. These views are definitely deserved. And this glorious work of art is why Youtube was invented. This video is clearly a piece of modern art for the ages if you ask me (which is why people never do). I believe the scientific term for a song as such is "Ho Anthem." That's right, working girls know how to rap too. Better yet, they know what to rap about. The best thing about this video (besides the character Smokahontas Jones, the tiny tricks, the booty sparkles and the all around low-budget beauty of this gem) is how progressively liberal it is. I count PSA's left and right. These girls (right?) are telling us what's real. And I'm with them! They're pro-legalized prostitution (obviously), pro-legalized marijuana, and they're even pro-gay rights! It's never good when I'm thinking to myself, "that Miami chick, Smokahontas Jones, would probably make a pretty good politician." Take a page out of this notebook Sarah Palin. Maybe if you were more upfront about the dicks you were sucking to get where you are, people would be more supportive!

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Oh Hollywood....

Today's kudos go out to the lovely Lupe Ontiveros. And don't be fooled by her name (AZ hicks), because she's a bonafide born in the U.S.A. citizen. And an actress at that! This mamacita has been in more movies and t.v. shows than even I could hope to watch, and trust me, that's saying something. Her lupeliciousness has graced everything from Cheech and Chong's Next Movie to The Goonies. In fact, she played "Gregor's maid" in Universal Soldier. And don't give me this, well she plays a maid because she's probably not a good actress crap. According to Lupe, she has played a maid over 150 times in her career. Now, if that's not typecasting, I don't know what is. In fact, that may be the saddest thing I've read in Hollywood news today. And people say that Latinos are underrepresented in Hollywood... They're not underrepresented, they're just in the background dusting something! All I can say is....I hope this coming decade means less hate on the Latinos and more sexy abuelitas playing non-maid characters in big-budget films....




Original Video- More videos at TinyPic

Friday, June 4, 2010

One idiot yelling at another...

Wow - what a bunch of winners. While watching this absolutely pathetic video of a drunken college chick barreling through a toll fast enough to score some serious air, I was struck by the elegance of the typical U.S. citizen. At the airport no less. I'm just sad they don't show the part where she tries to get back into the burning vehicle. Apparently, it is actually possible to jump another car leapfrog style and still walk away from the landing zone = yay safety!



The worst part is this first comment I ran into at the bottom of the page. Since the chick's name is Yasmine Villasana, some ignorant fuckhead took the opportunity to comment on the immigration issue at hand:


Yes, people. Aren't you proud to be an American? Doesn't sound like there should be any problem with stereotyping or racial profiling regarding this law at all..... Speaking of fuckheads who support 1070, I ran across this truly disturbing footage of a pro-nationalist rally in the grand state itself...What does abortion have to do with this again?





UPDATE: And just when you thought things couldn't get worse....

And this is why (anchor)men aren't in charge of not being douchebags....

This sexist comment by a CNBC anchorman is really outta left field. Pun intended. That's right: see how a short baseball segment and discussions of bad-call forgiveness can lead to a dastardly old white man saying things that should have gone out of style with the mandated-corset. Go news!

Monday, May 31, 2010

Happy Memorial Day!

Eat some wieners.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

This is a sad day for humanity my friends...

The great Dennis Hopper has gone over the river and into the hills to see the great grandmother in the sky (or outerspace or hyperspace or innerspace or where-ever). He is absolutely one of my favorite actors of all times, mostly because he's in some of my favorite movies of all time. A few of the ones I've posted about on my movie blog, This Mortal Coil, include Waterworld, Unspeakable, My Science Project (omg, one of my fave movies ever!), The Super Mario Brothers Movie (omg again!), and of course Easy Rider. And don't give me this Blue Velvet this and Blue Velvet that shit. That movie was disgusting! The only movie I'm sorry didn't yet make it to the blogfront is the cowboy classic Space Truckers. Oh lordy, lordy. Talk about a man who lived life to the fullest! RIP my friend; Hollywood is poorer off without you.













-This is bigger than the planet...It's even bigger than the solar system...
-Wait a second Bob, is this like when you told us we could smoke banana peels?
-(Laughs) Oh ye of little faith
-Then, what is it Bob?
-What is it? I'll tell you what it is! It's a time-space warp that's created by that's this gizmo that will warp something into our dimension. Or we could travel through time and space!

Friday, May 28, 2010

Word of the Day = Candelabra!



Well, this new Rihanna music video has been making the rounds. It's not that exciting of a video, except the song is about woman-love and R and her costar are smoking hot. I'm going to go ahead and deem this the most convincing lesbian pop video of the year. Cha-ching! I wasn't really blown away or anything, and I had no leanings towards a post until I heard Rihanna utter this beauty of a lyric: "then we danced underneath the candelabra." Now, I don't know about you, but I'm not even sure that's possible. Anyway, strange biologist that I am, I have to admit that the only I reason I even know what that word means is because of its metaphoric applications in describing the process of human evolution. I know, I'm a nerd. But, nerd that I am, I thought it was hilarious and hence this poppy post. Okay, continue on with your lives....






Wednesday, May 26, 2010

What we've been missing...

Ah, so many things make sense now. It is no wonder evolution as a scientific concept has yet to be embraced by the ready and willing American public: there was no sword fight sequence! Finally, these producers have turned the tides with their spell-binding, action-packed take on Darwin and the origin of his momentous theory. Let there be believers!

She says what we're all thinking....



This is an amazing piece of eloquence that truly captures the beauty of the English language. This woman knows exactly what she wants to say and she delivers it with the deliberate precision of a well-practiced monologue. I wonder how many days she has rehearsed this rant&rave in her head. But all of that effort comes to fruition in this epic phone message that already has over 40k views on youtube and counting. This is my favorite part of her essay on weather-interruption abuse...

"I don't give a crap about that storm. I don't care about that tornado near that county, near that town. I don't care about those people. All I care about is seeing the season finale of my show. It would be different if he was talking about a tornado that was going to affect me. But he's not. I don't give a flying fuck. You people, fix it now!"

Do you know what the best part about all of this is?: She's talking about that show Criminal Minds. Fucking Criminal Minds?! Wow. Apathy in the United States has reached a new high (and it's not the good kind).

Monday, May 24, 2010

Word of the Day = Ass!

1) Now, I've always been on Team Angelina, mostly because she's sexy as sin and into the dirty stuff. Plus, she kicks ass in movies whereas Jennifer Aniston is, you know, that chick from Friends. But this picture of Aniston on the set of some shitty movie that will come out next summer, flipflopper that I am, has changed my mind. Especially considering recent posts, I just can't side with Angelina anymore. I mean, look at that Aniston ass! Do you know how old she is? 41! That's right. She looks like a frickin' supermodel! Angelina Jolie is only 34, yet she has the body of a 100 year old woman. That is no good! Team Aniston, here I come...




















2) People have been fretting over this semi-scandalous photo of Venus Williams at a recent tennis tournament. That's right folks, apparently Venus Williams playing tennis can be NSFW. She's been wearing ridiculous things all season. Some people say it's to rile up the squares, but mostly it's because she designed them, she likes them, and she wants people to buy them. It's true, the skin-colored spandex is probably meant to be tittillating. And I think people can be slightly frightened by an ass that can break fingers, but I'm all for it. It's like ballet, dudes! She's a super athlete! I want to see her freaky muscles doing their freaky thing! And thus it has been spoken.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Go Fuck Yourself x2

1) Geeze luis, why do I have be affronted with conservative junk every morning when I wake up? And here in California no less! I'm so over CA pretending like it's some liberal state that should be setting an example for the nation when there are so many people here trying so hard to pull it back into the Dark Ages. Take for example this quote about Harvey Milk and public school lessons...

"May 22 was designated as Harvey Milk Day after Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger signed the legislation into law last October. It is not considered a national holiday; however, the state Legislature is encouraging schools to hold lessons remembering the politician and his accomplishments. Milk served 11 months on the San Francisco Board of Supervisors before he was assassinated. While Milk was the first openly gay man to be elected into public office, Mettler argued that his sexuality alone should not earn him a recognition in the classroom."We should recognize individuals based on their achievements, not based on their sexual orientation," said Mettler."

As Change.org so aptly points out: "The activist, Ken Mettler, said at a recent school district meeting, "Harvey Milk does not rise to the level of a special day of recognition." Tell that to the millions of people inspired by Milk's work for equal rights, and the legacy Milk left behind in the wake of his assassination in 1978. If the Kern High School District is interested in honoring one of California's heroes (indeed, a hero for the entire U.S.), they should absolutely commemorate Harvey Milk Day."

I mean seriously. Actively working to prevent something that the state already supports? These are public schools are they not? And the stupid vote was 3-1 with one abstention. How many people does it take to make a whole generation of local bigots? Apparently not very many. What's the big deal anyway?: It's SATURDAY!

2) And this second one is a big fuck you to Fox News. Does anyone even watch that trash anymore? I don't think I've watched Fox since the Simpsons was on weekdays in the late 1990's. And good riddance. I mean, I guess I might be a little biased since this information arrived in my email box from ColorofChange.org, but I'm guessing I'm biased in the right (uh? left?) way.

"FOX has a history of providing a platform for bigoted views and race-baiting. Most recently you helped us hold FOX accountable by stripping Glenn Beck of more than 100 of his advertisers, after Beck called President Obama a “racist” with a “deep-seated hatred for white people.”

But Stossel has arguably gone beyond Beck, echoing segregationist arguments from the Jim Crow era:

"It’s time now to repeal that part of the law because private businesses ought to get to discriminate. And I won’t ever go to a place that’s racist and I will tell everybody else not to and I’ll speak against them. But it should be their right to be racist."

Stossel went on to argue something that history has disproved time and again — that private business will do the right thing, without being compelled by laws, because no one would patronize a business that discriminates. It’s a blind belief in market fundamentalism that just isn’t in sync with reality...And recent history has shown that the public accommodations section of the Civil Rights Act is still needed. In 1994, it was used to hold Denny’s Restaurants accountable, after the chain repeatedly refused to seat Black customers. Just last year, it was used to go after a Philadelphia pool that prevented Black children from swimming there."

I wonder why it's always white people that say shit like this? I'm sure we could debate the merits of personal choice and all that jazz, but basically it comes down to the phrase "private businesses ought to get to discriminate." I guess if that's true, we should start supplying mandatory questionnaires at the door. "Which News Network do you watch at night?" Get those conservatives out of my businesses!

Friday, May 21, 2010

Music Video of the Day

Thanks to Blaise for this truly nauseating music video by and for kooky Christians. That's right people, we're talking about the apocalypse here. Luckily, money-mongering Heaven awaits in a galaxy near you! With Greek halloween costumes, bad computer effects and "mansions of crystal and gold!" Where can I sign up?



I've also included this truly beautiful piece of musical expression by the one and only Kate and myself. It is too ridiculous for most things. But somehow, our track "Rocketship of the Lord," just seems to be a gift from God meant to accompany this most holy of holy-fuck-what-world-do-i-live-in music videos. Enjoy!

I've never felt older

Wow, reading this clip about how to gain access to a new promo for this TV show that I don't even watch makes me long for the days of internet downloads and illegal network sharing. What does this even mean?!

"To see the clip, viewers need to DVR Sunday night’s Lost finale on ABC and during the True Blood promo, look out for the special QR code (example). To access the clip, take a picture of the QR code on your smartphone. This will require a QR code reader, here are the preferred apps: Inigma and NeoReader."

Picture of the Day

And the winner is....:Our beautiful first lady glittering like Princess of the Nile in this obviously awesome prom photo. She's been busting it out lately (fashion wise). Now, if only we could find the dance moves to go with this outfit....

ps. ick - chalk another moment of nausea up to the asshole conservatives in this country: the very first picture that comes up when you google image Mrs. Michelle is a photo of her edited to look like an ape. what decade are we in?!





Thursday, May 20, 2010

Oh No!

It seems that George Lopez has upped the ante on being a two-timing scoundrel in the juiciest affair year we've had since Clinton. Check out this quote on Lopez's allegedly naughty deeds...

"George Lopez's
wife gave him one of her kidneys 5 years ago, and now The National Enquirer is saying that he has thanked her by giving his dick to two pussy peddlers for a price. If this is true, bitch needs to get her kidney back with interest. When she handed over one of her kidneys on ice, she didn't expect his ass to use it to help him hump a whore." - dlisted.com

Tru dat my friend. Tru dat.

Spencer, this photo is just for you.