Happy Memorial Day!

Eat some wieners.

This is a sad day for humanity my friends...

The great Dennis Hopper has gone over the river and into the hills to see the great grandmother in the sky (or outerspace or hyperspace or innerspace or where-ever). He is absolutely one of my favorite actors of all times, mostly because he's in some of my favorite movies of all time. A few of the ones I've posted about on my movie blog, This Mortal Coil, include Waterworld, Unspeakable, My Science Project (omg, one of my fave movies ever!), The Super Mario Brothers Movie (omg again!), and of course Easy Rider. And don't give me this Blue Velvet this and Blue Velvet that shit. That movie was disgusting! The only movie I'm sorry didn't yet make it to the blogfront is the cowboy classic Space Truckers. Oh lordy, lordy. Talk about a man who lived life to the fullest! RIP my friend; Hollywood is poorer off without you.













-This is bigger than the planet...It's even bigger than the solar system...
-Wait a second Bob, is this like when you told us we could smoke banana peels?
-(Laughs) Oh ye of little faith
-Then, what is it Bob?
-What is it? I'll tell you what it is! It's a time-space warp that's created by that's this gizmo that will warp something into our dimension. Or we could travel through time and space!

Word of the Day = Candelabra!

Well, this new Rihanna music video has been making the rounds. It's not that exciting of a video, except the song is about woman-love and R and her costar are smoking hot. I'm going to go ahead and deem this the most convincing lesbian pop video of the year. Cha-ching! I wasn't really blown away or anything, and I had no leanings towards a post until I heard Rihanna utter this beauty of a lyric: "then we danced underneath the candelabra." Now, I don't know about you, but I'm not even sure that's possible. Anyway, strange biologist that I am, I have to admit that the only I reason I even know what that word means is because of its metaphoric applications in describing the process of human evolution. I know, I'm a nerd. But, nerd that I am, I thought it was hilarious and hence this poppy post. Okay, continue on with your lives....

What we've been missing...

Ah, so many things make sense now. It is no wonder evolution as a scientific concept has yet to be embraced by the ready and willing American public: there was no sword fight sequence! Finally, these producers have turned the tides with their spell-binding, action-packed take on Darwin and the origin of his momentous theory. Let there be believers!

Dana Carvey is "DARWIN" - watch more funny videos

She says what we're all thinking....

This is an amazing piece of eloquence that truly captures the beauty of the English language. This woman knows exactly what she wants to say and she delivers it with the deliberate precision of a well-practiced monologue. I wonder how many days she has rehearsed this rant&rave in her head. But all of that effort comes to fruition in this epic phone message that already has over 40k views on youtube and counting. This is my favorite part of her essay on weather-interruption abuse...

"I don't give a crap about that storm. I don't care about that tornado near that county, near that town. I don't care about those people. All I care about is seeing the season finale of my show. It would be different if he was talking about a tornado that was going to affect me. But he's not. I don't give a flying fuck. You people, fix it now!"

Do you know what the best part about all of this is?: She's talking about that show Criminal Minds. Fucking Criminal Minds?! Wow. Apathy in the United States has reached a new high (and it's not the good kind).

Word of the Day = Ass!

1) Now, I've always been on Team Angelina, mostly because she's sexy as sin and into the dirty stuff. Plus, she kicks ass in movies whereas Jennifer Aniston is, you know, that chick from Friends. But this picture of Aniston on the set of some shitty movie that will come out next summer, flipflopper that I am, has changed my mind. Especially considering recent posts, I just can't side with Angelina anymore. I mean, look at that Aniston ass! Do you know how old she is? 41! That's right. She looks like a frickin' supermodel! Angelina Jolie is only 34, yet she has the body of a 100 year old woman. That is no good! Team Aniston, here I come...




















2) People have been fretting over this semi-scandalous photo of Venus Williams at a recent tennis tournament. That's right folks, apparently Venus Williams playing tennis can be NSFW. She's been wearing ridiculous things all season. Some people say it's to rile up the squares, but mostly it's because she designed them, she likes them, and she wants people to buy them. It's true, the skin-colored spandex is probably meant to be tittillating. And I think people can be slightly frightened by an ass that can break fingers, but I'm all for it. It's like ballet, dudes! She's a super athlete! I want to see her freaky muscles doing their freaky thing! And thus it has been spoken.

Go Fuck Yourself x2

1) Geeze luis, why do I have be affronted with conservative junk every morning when I wake up? And here in California no less! I'm so over CA pretending like it's some liberal state that should be setting an example for the nation when there are so many people here trying so hard to pull it back into the Dark Ages. Take for example this quote about Harvey Milk and public school lessons...

"May 22 was designated as Harvey Milk Day after Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger signed the legislation into law last October. It is not considered a national holiday; however, the state Legislature is encouraging schools to hold lessons remembering the politician and his accomplishments. Milk served 11 months on the San Francisco Board of Supervisors before he was assassinated. While Milk was the first openly gay man to be elected into public office, Mettler argued that his sexuality alone should not earn him a recognition in the classroom."We should recognize individuals based on their achievements, not based on their sexual orientation," said Mettler."

As Change.org so aptly points out: "The activist, Ken Mettler, said at a recent school district meeting, "Harvey Milk does not rise to the level of a special day of recognition." Tell that to the millions of people inspired by Milk's work for equal rights, and the legacy Milk left behind in the wake of his assassination in 1978. If the Kern High School District is interested in honoring one of California's heroes (indeed, a hero for the entire U.S.), they should absolutely commemorate Harvey Milk Day."

I mean seriously. Actively working to prevent something that the state already supports? These are public schools are they not? And the stupid vote was 3-1 with one abstention. How many people does it take to make a whole generation of local bigots? Apparently not very many. What's the big deal anyway?: It's SATURDAY!

2) And this second one is a big fuck you to Fox News. Does anyone even watch that trash anymore? I don't think I've watched Fox since the Simpsons was on weekdays in the late 1990's. And good riddance. I mean, I guess I might be a little biased since this information arrived in my email box from ColorofChange.org, but I'm guessing I'm biased in the right (uh? left?) way.

"FOX has a history of providing a platform for bigoted views and race-baiting. Most recently you helped us hold FOX accountable by stripping Glenn Beck of more than 100 of his advertisers, after Beck called President Obama a “racist” with a “deep-seated hatred for white people.”

But Stossel has arguably gone beyond Beck, echoing segregationist arguments from the Jim Crow era:

"It’s time now to repeal that part of the law because private businesses ought to get to discriminate. And I won’t ever go to a place that’s racist and I will tell everybody else not to and I’ll speak against them. But it should be their right to be racist."

Stossel went on to argue something that history has disproved time and again — that private business will do the right thing, without being compelled by laws, because no one would patronize a business that discriminates. It’s a blind belief in market fundamentalism that just isn’t in sync with reality...And recent history has shown that the public accommodations section of the Civil Rights Act is still needed. In 1994, it was used to hold Denny’s Restaurants accountable, after the chain repeatedly refused to seat Black customers. Just last year, it was used to go after a Philadelphia pool that prevented Black children from swimming there."

I wonder why it's always white people that say shit like this? I'm sure we could debate the merits of personal choice and all that jazz, but basically it comes down to the phrase "private businesses ought to get to discriminate." I guess if that's true, we should start supplying mandatory questionnaires at the door. "Which News Network do you watch at night?" Get those conservatives out of my businesses!

Music Video of the Day

Thanks to Blaise for this truly nauseating music video by and for kooky Christians. That's right people, we're talking about the apocalypse here. Luckily, money-mongering Heaven awaits in a galaxy near you! With Greek halloween costumes, bad computer effects and "mansions of crystal and gold!" Where can I sign up?



I've also included this truly beautiful piece of musical expression by the one and only Kate and myself. It is too ridiculous for most things. But somehow, our track "Rocketship of the Lord," just seems to be a gift from God meant to accompany this most holy of holy-fuck-what-world-do-i-live-in music videos. Enjoy!

I've never felt older

Wow, reading this clip about how to gain access to a new promo for this TV show that I don't even watch makes me long for the days of internet downloads and illegal network sharing. What does this even mean?!

"To see the clip, viewers need to DVR Sunday night’s Lost finale on ABC and during the True Blood promo, look out for the special QR code (example). To access the clip, take a picture of the QR code on your smartphone. This will require a QR code reader, here are the preferred apps: Inigma and NeoReader."

Whew! I guess it's a good thing I don't care about this show or this naked dude since I don't own a DVR machine. Or a smartphone. Or even have TV. Oh well....

Picture of the Day

And the winner is....:Our beautiful first lady glittering like Princess of the Nile in this obviously awesome prom photo. She's been busting it out lately (fashion wise). Now, if only we could find the dance moves to go with this outfit....

ps. ick - chalk another moment of nausea up to the asshole conservatives in this country: the very first picture that comes up when you google image Mrs. Michelle is a photo of her edited to look like an ape. what decade are we in?!

Oh No!

It seems that George Lopez has upped the ante on being a two-timing scoundrel in the juiciest affair year we've had since Clinton. Check out this quote on Lopez's allegedly naughty deeds...

"George Lopez's wife gave him one of her kidneys 5 years ago, and now The National Enquirer is saying that he has thanked her by giving his dick to two pussy peddlers for a price. If this is true, bitch needs to get her kidney back with interest. When she handed over one of her kidneys on ice, she didn't expect his ass to use it to help him hump a whore." - dlisted.com

Tru dat my friend. Tru dat.

Spencer, this photo is just for you.

Music Video of the Day

I'm sure the fact that I recently wrote an extensive paper on the origin of Korean girl-pop-groups is only one factor in my giddy appreciation of this over-the-top and almost enlightenment-inducing music video from the Wonder Girls of Korea. I actually watched the default/English version first, and I kept thinking to myself, "When are they going to sing in Korean?!" or as Kate would say, "ahhhhhhhhhhh!" I almost didn't want to post because the singing was just so terrible! But, the telling nature of English as a pop default certainly brings out a side of the weird anthropologist in me. Luckily, I found this Korean language version that ultimately proves that world music makes everything better.....Right?

Bay to Breakers 2010

That's right folks: May 16th, 2010 was one of many annual days of decadence and nudity in San Francisco. Bay to Breakers is a walk/run hosted down the middle of the city and encouraging floats, costumes, and a wide range of participation. I missed all of the real athletes and most of the floats because I stumbled in at the beginning of Golden Gate Park and towards the end of the line. But don't worry, some might say this is actually the place to be. I was proud to participate in basically the largest mobile frat party ever. I saw things I will never recover from, and thanks to some modicum of self-control, I did nothing that I will ever regret. Others, I'm sure, can't say the same. I definitely jimmied a few tap-dance moves in order to avoid some imminent ralphage, but ultimately no harm, no foul (ok, nevermind; lots and lots and lots of foul). While I was pulling up some photos from past events, I was amused to see that both nudity and alcohol are prohibited at the race. Oh yeah? Had me fooled. Luckily, the city is kind enough to hold back the badges from making arrests on non-violent participants (almost year round at that!). I'm happy to say that I was toting my videocamera, so footage will be delivered. Stay tuned. And prepare yourself, my son: prepare yourself.






































UPDATE:
I have posted a short clip of my traumatizing brown-eye incident (I saw into the depths of the unknown). So check it out. And be sure that no children are watching. Although...there were children at the event (shudder).

Whhaaa?

And I thought having ribs was sexy....Why do people perpetuate this idea that missing body parts or having artificial sleeze body parts is something extra-sexy you should do to yourself to be pretty. I guess I now know why my pick-up lines haven't been pulling any big fish in at the watering hole = too many ribs/a skeleton that won't disintegrate the first sign of danger. And I'll say it again, "Whhaaa?" I'm also including my other favorite disintegrating woman, especially since she was the topic of an inane debate at the dinner table the other day. I want so badly to think that she's hot, but seriously! she'll snap like a twig in the sack! = boo!

Megan Fox Is One Uber Sexy Corset Wearing Super Hottie!

May 14th, 2010

The Beginning of the End

Law and Order, the original, has not been renewed. You may say, "what's the big deal?" but I tell you, the world will never be the same. Granted, I only watch SVU, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time. I was reading Ice-T's twitter the other day (yes, I follow only two celebrities: Ice-T and his woman Coco) and some fan was like, "what's the best part of working on SVU?" and Ice-T was like, "it's a steady job." What's that joe camel-face gonna do when the show is cancelled, huh? He can't party on an empty wallet! What are we left with? CSI? That show is the equivalent of a picture-book for TV. Boo!

Today in Z-list Celebrities

Just when you thought that being a professional photographer aka paparrazo couldn't be any scummier without seeking out underage snatch to post on the front page of US Weekly (which for the longest time, and probably per marketing brainwash scam, I thought was U.S. Weekly), here comes people actually proliferating photos and information about these gross old hags. Myself included. Ah America. It's pretty interesting because, in class today, we were talking about memes, or cultural units of information. The basic idea is the spread of a cultural concept or idea that reflects the patterns of the spread of a genetic unit. Anyway (I know you're bored), it also includes replication, transmission and lots of mutation. See below. I'm just wondering how pissed Tila Tequila was when she realized that she and Jodie Marsh, skankiest of Britain's pornstars, got caught wearing the same outfit this week. Ha. The belt shirt. Never gets old.

Update: Grayson Chance (ie boy who made Lady Gaga look silly)

I just thought I would post the link to this interview and performance clip of Grayson Chance on Ellen. That's that sixth grader who sounds exactly like Lady Gaga but shorter. By the way he was nervous-tick-shaking his head on the show, I thought for sure he would have to adjust his shorts after that call from Gaga. As for comments about the unnecessary contribution of another Bieber, I submit this: After listening to him talk and sing, the obvious difference lies in the fact that Chance's balls have actually dropped while Bieber's testicles (and his fame) cling precariously on a ledge near his intestines. Booyah.

Outdone by the children

Another sucks to be Lady Gaga post I guess. She is, like totally, the most prolific singer on the planet right now. A shooting star most likely: destined to shine brightly and blind many an old person before fading into obscurity. Probably the best thing about her is that fact that she has pulled so many little ones from the background to shine (and outshine) with their covers of her songs. This new addition is, get this, a 6th grader. Yes, a friggin' sixth grader! The next Justin Bieber apparently (it's a good thing if you don't know who that is). The breakdown of the pop machine has begun. And the reality show onslaught gains strength, my son. Am I the only one who feels emasculated by having people half my age be so much better at things than I am? Oh well: I guess it's a good thing I'm a woman.



I'm also including this amazing video of the NY choir killing it on Just Dance. I used to think it was so weird in South America when people were always listening to children singing instead of adults. But now I understand the appeal. It's just so much more impressive! And honest! And I can't help but love the field-recording vibe I get (I know, it's the anthropologist in me). Enjoy!

Our daily moment of douchiness...

Straight Jacket
Heterosexual actors play gay all the time. Why doesn't it ever work in reverse?

By Ramin Setoodeh | Newsweek Web Exclusive

This article has been making the rounds and is being bashed quite vigorously for good reason. Obviously this writer doesn't realize that almost every actor he's ever seen in a TV show is probably 85% gay. And, trust me, as a women looking for tv-hotties to swoon over, finding out they're gay through celebrity outlets (not through their performance as Setoodah-shithead would suggest) doesn't make them any less swoonable. Here are some of my fave examples....

(Brandon Routh (Chuck), Wentworth Miller (Prison Break) and Matt Dallas (Kyle XY)

Okay...maybe in photographic retrospect, I should have figured it out myself. But it doesn't hurt to dream!

A Mother's Day Special from Mr. T

Here's our favorite 90's hero telling kids what's what about mothers. Those back-up singers are so hot, it's almost criminal. In fact, the only thing distracting me from their thrilling outfits and gravity-defying hair is Mr. T's tiny pair of camou shorts. Now that's some leg. I'm just trying to imagine what an epic spit circle would be created if Ice-T, Mr. T and Shaq ended up in a rapping menage a trois. We're talking destruction of the universe type rhymes here people....I say bring it! Let the apocalypse begin my friends!

Have you seen what Lady Gaga is wearing lately?

Seriously, I have never seen anyone reach so desperately for obscurity when they actually have a satisfying singing voice. Is this the future of the 2010-20 decade? It makes leggings and short-shorts seem desirably conservative, and that is a sad sad thing. On the other hand, I also appreciate a little sci-fi heroin-hooker chic from time to time....at least, conceptually. Poor Lady Gaga - Anjelica Huston already did it so much better....