Friday, July 30, 2010

News of the Day

This news has been making the celebrity rounds primarily due to the sheer genius of the characters involved. Ah, America. The clip is about somewhere in the middle of the country where a woman woke up to find herself under crackhead attack and was rescued by her scrappy yet lovable brother. The brother is the point of interest on the blogs, probably because the dude is gloriously flamboyant. I mean, did you hear that description? He is speaking girlspeak that I'm not even close to up to date on. I need to get on that! All in all, it's a pretty amazing interview. My favorite part is when the girl talks directly to the wannabe rapist crook through the camera and asks him what he wants because she knows that she's not pretty. I mean seriously girl, have a little more self esteem! You are definitely bangable! Usually when I watch these news segments, the middle Americans are extremely obese and/or eating hamburgers in bed, so I think this chick looks divine! And this is why my film-making practices are so low-key. You just can't beat reality!



Oh man. And here's another amazing segment featuring the glamorous neighborhood hero....

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Music Video of the Day

Just when I thought Ice-T couldn't get any cooler....OMG did you know that he formed a heavy metal band in the early years and sang about racism and shook his crazy hair and stuff? It just blew my mind. That's right; this mind has been blown. Pretty soon this blog will just end up being a shriney homage to my favorite celebrity couple....


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Celebrity Showdown

Recently there has been some question about which lovely and lusty lady is more bootylicious. Now, as Beyonce has taught us, being bootylicious is not just about the size of your ass; no, no, it embraces a whole essence, or aura if you well, of being both bootiful and booty-bountiful, also known as being callipygous. Now, I don't know who uses that word, but it's amazing. And it invokes images of the magnificent Calypso whose name rings true of seduction and voluption. The two contestants are the incontrovertible Coco, wickedly wild wife of Ice-T, who is clearly the only reason I watch Law and Order or those terrible New York straight-to-VHS cop/crime thrillers.To be perfectly honest, I don't understand how Coco can be of this planet. These pictures represent just a few of the many reasons why a) I speak only praises b) I follow her on twitter, and c) Kim Kardashian is no match-up. Ok, yes, Kim Kardashian is younger, she has real breasts, and she's smoother in the face. But she's also the kind of chick to be filing her nails during your "special-friendly" time. Now Coco? This girl looks like someone who does the freaky stuff. I'm talking the freaky-deaky stuff. And so what if Kim has a sex-tape? I couldn't find any good pictures of her on google. Where are her sexy photos? I don't want to watch that creepy tape. It's probably like from a phone camera or in b&w or some uselessness like that. I want to see her move the planets with that ass, which has she as of yet failed to do. So keep trying Kim; this latest candid bikini photo is pretty mind-boggling, but you have a long way to reach the glory of curviness that is epitomized by the true glamour yet hardcore heftiness of Coco. I mean, she's just so legit! Also, Ice-T is awesome. Super awesome. He just got arrested for speeding with a suspended license while rushing his puppy to the vet for knee surgery. And then he posted the arresting officer's name and badge number on twitter. That is clearly the most gangsta thing I've ever heard.


"Your girl's thick, but my girl's thicker."




Monday, July 19, 2010

The Mondays

Here we are, on just another Monday in the United States, 2010. And yes, I guess Office Space is still relevant more than a decade later, largely because not many other decent comedies have come out since then. Here are the reasons, in order, why I can be diagnosed as having "a case of the Mondays."

1) Charice, an 18 year-old Philippian pop sensation who recently snagged a spectacular guest role on that Glee show with all the ridiculous cover songs, has undergone procedures for skin-tightening and botox to appear "fresh-faced" for her 15 minutes of life-altering TV time. And people aren't even really that disturbed by it. Yes, that picture is a current, albeit pre-botox, shot of her and not some sneaky pose-in of her 8 year old sister. Yikes. (via dlisted)

2) Consumerism is pretty much being shoved down our throats at this point as some sort of freaky-deaky solution to the economic recession and most likely the oil spill as well. This Amazon purchase, clearly a standout in your local copy of Skymall, epitomizes the height of American capitalism as I see it. Why pick up that bottle more than once when you can just fill your cup to the brim? I mean, do people actually drink whole bottles of wine (other than lonely yet attractive mid-thirties female FBI agents)? Are there really that many sad people/alcoholics out there? Or is this advertised to the fruity frat, pass-the-goblet around because we're too lame to have a peace pipe party, audience? Either way, I don't know why I don't have one yet. Or which cupboard would be large enough to stuff it in for that matter....(via dlisted) One reviewer says it well: "Why not just drink out of the bottle? :P If you want it aerated, just pour it in a bowl, and use a funnel to pour it back!" Amen.

3) All this stupid Arizona immigration stuff has led to renewed interest in the so-called Minutemen Militia, or civilian white-hick border control. They say they just turn over illegals to the authorities after giving them "water." The guns are apparently for self-protection against drug-slingers. Okay, so I can buy that stuff....from sane people. But when these whiteys proclaim themselves proud members of the National Socialist Movement, whose website is seriously sickening, I'm a little freaked out. I mean, their motto is "Fighting for White Civil Rights." Apparently they're only open to non-Semitic heterosexuals' of European Descent," which makes me a little hazy about my own ability to join. Oh wait, here's part of the application.....

Level of Desired Commitment (circle all that apply):
Active Membership ~ Supportive~Financial Role / Indicate Branch: NSM ($10.00/month) ~ NSM StormTrooper $10.00/month ) ~ NSM Woman’s Division ($10.00/month) ~Skinhead Division ($35.00/year, free NSM Patch) ~ Viking Youth Corps (13-18 years old) ~ ($5.00/month)
As an Aryan Citizen of the United States of America or _______________________ I support a strong free Republic without Jewish influence or control. I recognize the National Socialist Movement, in their efforts to improve the environment and living conditions for all Aryan people. I am in agreement with the goals and principles of the NSM and their aims therein to promote White European values. As a Member of the NSM, I promise to support the NSM and do my part in an effort to advance the Movement and our Race, as a whole. I will actively fight for the National Socialist Movement’s goals and initiatives by my contributions of money donations, materials, service and skills.
I, ___________________________________________, support the goals of the National Socialist Movement for all White European Nations. I pledge not to use any methods that are illegal, in the normal sense of the criminal statute, to attain the goals of the NSM and/or a strong free Nation State. I make this pledge to the NSM, of my own free will, for all White peoples to advance my Race.
I swear that I am not an agent or partisan whatsoever whose ideals are hostile to the NSM.


[vomit face]. The weirdest part is that the people they've been interviewing are loath to be associated with neo-Nazi's. I mean, there's a frickin' swastika in the goddamn logo! Who are they kidding? For me, this really says more about the educational system than anything else. Which brings me to....

4) I've been reading about this nonsense over the last couple of months in a variety of school settings. This one district clearly demonstrates the disgusting discussion that's been going on in some of the Southern states. The conservative school board members have voted to edit parts of the textbook to more fairly represent Republican viewpoints. My favorite edit is the one that takes out Thomas Jefferson as being an important historical figure due to his impact on the "separation of Church and State," clause. I mean, these Americans want to selectively ignore parts of their own Nation's history in order to further their demented, racist beliefs. Booo!
Some of the things that got voted down include:
-efforts to incorporate Latino leaders for the significant Hispanic population of the state.
-an amendment requiring that students study the reasons “the founding fathers protected religious freedom in America by barring the government from promoting or disfavoring any particular religion above all others.”

Things that went through include:
-a plank to ensure that students learn about “the conservative resurgence of the 1980s and 1990s, including Phyllis Schlafly, the Contract With America, the Heritage Foundation, the Moral Majority and the National Rifle Association.”
-a change to the teaching of the civil rights movement to ensure that students study the violent philosophy of the Black Panthers in addition to the nonviolent approach of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
-an amendment stressing that Germans and Italians as well as Japanese were interned in the United States during World War II, to counter the idea that the internment of Japanese was motivated by racism.
-They also replaced the word “capitalism” throughout their texts with the “free-enterprise system.”

I can't believe that people like this are the ones accusing non-Whites and Jews of being unAmerican when they are literally trying to rewrite history and promote the indoctrination of the their youth in a way that is contradictory to the founding fundamentals of equal rights and separation of Church and State in the United States. Until we reform our educational system and shake things up a bit, people are going to continue to receive inaccurate information in school and then grow up and shove the same thing down the throats of the next generation. I support mandatory teacher-exchange programs.

Friday, July 16, 2010

UPDATE: Smokahontas Jones and Memphis Blac Give a Lecture on the Nature of Prostitution in Society

This goes back to a previous post I did on a self-proclaimed "ho anthem" that took the world by storm last month. My assertion that the video stood as a certain class of PSA has now been widely confirmed by this newly released clip called "Memphis Blac and Smokahontas Jones Kickin Real Shit Discussing "Got Dat Work" video." Now, I don't know why everyone was so surly in the youtube comments, because I thought this video was an amazingly anthropological perspective on a social custom that has been going on, as Smokahontas aptly notes, "since before was Jesus was born." Okay, so there are some curse words (she probably said the words 'bitch' and 'nigger' 500 times...each), and their record office isn't all mod-ed out and shit. They are wearing clothes that are appropriate for the Miami heat....and the skinny one is blowing giant condom balloons. So....this may not be the classiest essay I've ever heard, but knowledge comes from all places. I mean, Smokahontas is dishing it out college-style, cursing badder than a sailor, making global references, smoking weed, talking a mile a minute, and frickin' rhyming...as in, her freestyle is so natural, when she preaches the beat comes to her...all at the same time. It's a work of genius. And if you can actually get your brain to motor along at the same speed as her mouth, you will find the weight of an African bull elephant's worth of insightful eloquence that might not ever have seemed possible. Seriously, this chick should come give a lecture in some of my anthropology classes. We talk about the same thing but with so much less...spunk.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Who knew....

....that electropop could save the world? That's right, first Gaga now Ke$ha and the soldiers around the globe have put down their guns to sing, dance, hold hands and skip. I personally wouldn't do any spins with an automatic weapon, but hey, they've got a lot more practice. Too bad these Israeli soldiers aren't receiving as much support as the U.S. troops overseas who shake their money-makers to the delight of family and gays back home. Maybe if they hadn't chosen such an annoying song....Watch it quickly; I hear the Israeli government/army/somebody with power is rushing to pull the feed.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

A new dance champion has arrived...

Well, if you noticed one thing about the 2010 World Cup, I'm sure that it's the difference between Ghana and everybody else in the post-goal dance effort. Those Germans, Dutch, blah blah blah, they run around, fall on their knees...Have you seen any whiter celebration? Yes, I know, it hasn't always been that way. I've included an impressive compilation of celebratory cock-thrusts. But only one player deserves to be added to that collection, and that is none other than The King, Lord of Africa, Mr. Gyan. Yes, he missed that goal. But, it happens to the best of us. And, as long as I have recollections of his booty-dancing, forgiveness can be given. I put in a short clip of his dance from this year, but it doesn't capture the true essence of that delightful memory engraved in the boogying section of my brain. So, a previous booty shake has also been bestowed upon you. Enjoy. Think of the high-life. And shake it, baby, shake it.