The Martians are here...

...and they have come to save Detroit. Also, I learned they don't take no orders from no woman. And they want to give the Polish their fair due.

But seriously, I love how fame whores try so hard to get on TV, and it only takes this nutbag 10 minutes of crazy to make the national rounds. Or, as the top youtube comment says...

"Why the fuck is this news? Oh, dude dropped some logs, HURRY GET THE FUCKING CAMERA, THIS IS BREAKING. Fuck you humanity."

The unthinkable catcopter...

...it truly is unthinkable. Until you think about it, at which point you can't unthink it at all. Terrifying. NSFB - not safe for brain. It's sort of like when you find out that one of your most unlikely of friends used to be a stripper-prostitute, and you are disturbed. And maybe you forget about it, but each time you are reminded, it becomes, once again, the most terrifying thing you have ever heard. Catcopter - you are in a place few minds have gone before. The fact that I am proliferating this is a sure sign of the downfall of society, and I apologize in advance. But I can't help myself.....the disaster draws me in....

The Classiness of Cannes

....is clearly epitomized by the hysterically CGI scene from Nicole Kidman's new movie, "The Paperboy." Now, while it's widely known that any movie Nicole Kidman decides to be in will most likely be a huge bomb, they keep casting her in things. And apparently they try and drag those movies to France and pretend like they are true pieces of cinema, or some shit like that. In this glorious movie that I'm pretty sure I will never, ever see, unless I just cannot, for the life of me, fall asleep on my next westbound flight, naked Zac Efron abounds - this is quite succinctly announced by the gay director, who says "What? He's hot!" But the deep levels of meaning don't stop there....see this amazingly descriptive paragraph of one of the film scenes, as told by vulture.com:

"Later in the movie, as Efron's romantic ardor for Kidman is at its peak, the two head to the beach, where he decides to cool down with a dip in the ocean. Naturally, he is attacked by CG jellyfish. (Only the sixteenth weirdest thing to happen in this movie.) Covered in sting marks, he barely manages to drag himself to shore, and when Kidman is alerted to the attack by some comely girls who surround Efron, she pushes them away, pops a squat, and out comes number-one. And yes, you get a close-up of the stream. This is a movie that often seems to be missing important transitional scenes or specific inserts, but you had better believe that when Nicole Kidman pees on Zac Efron, that camera is there."

Now I certainly have had a guy or two offer to pee on me, "just for medical reasons," but I don't know how I feel about this. Sounds like a gimmick to me. And not a very successful one since they are definitely going to have to edit out that scene for the plane...

And for some reason, when I searched for 'classy cannes,' it just kept wanting to direct me to 'classy canines.' So I'll roll with that....

Now this is how you shut a bitch down...

Man, Tamron Hall did not hesitate for a second in her brutal, fearless and domineering shut-down of Tim Carney during his MSNBC interview. It's a good thing his last name is Carney, because dayum, she made him look like a fool. Sing it sister! I'd be surprised if he got any serious gigs for a while since she pretty much made him look like a nasty, petty, blabbering idiot. And that's how you shut a bitch down. Where can I sign up for lessons?




mrfreedomdemocracy1 gives us the full scoop:

"For those who don't know the reason of this fight, Tim Carney started changing topic 10 minutes before talking about "silly war on women" and Tamron said don't you dare to call me silly on a such a sensitive topic. Then every time she asked different questons about Romney he attacked MSNBC (which actually pays his a good salary as opinionist) avoiding the answer.
YOU GO GIRL!!!!! FUCK THIS PIECE OF SHIT!!!"

ditto my zealous friend. ditto.

hmmm...i learn from my googling that not everyone was on her side....

Music Video of the Day! Takeo Ischi - Bibi Hendl (2011)

That's right - you heard me - a Japanese yodeler! And like any self-respecting yodeler, Takeo is a weird old man who confuses the rest of the human race with his desire to seek fame through yodeling. Also, I have no idea what the chickens have to do with anything....I do know one thing for sure = Takeo can cluck with the best of them! I hope that this extremely bizarre music video makes the rounds, if only so that Takeo can check off what is clearly at the very top of his extra-crispy bucket list. Oh, and they definitely chose the right location to film this video, because only a cafe in Hell would condone this!  Thanks Takeo! Keep up the clucking good work!

And apparently the Germans know what's up, because Takeo's wikipedia profile has yet to make it to America....

Fashion Updates - Honey, We're Home!!!

Anyone who knows me can vouch for the fact that I have been telling just about any poor soul to cross my path that 1993 CA surfer fashion is coming back into vogue with a vengeance. It sounds crazy, I know - to think of all those colors and mismatched patterns and polka dots and crazy beach hair = preposterous!  Well, I just stumbled across this new photo shoot of Kristen Stewart for that Kerouac movie she's doing, and every single outfit confirms my predictions.  Get ready for the summer people!!! 1993 is back!!!

(For a thorough lesson on what this entails, please check out the Seth Green fashion show courtesy of Airborne...)

No time for bronchitis

Sweet Brown, Sweet Jesus. Ain't no time for bronchitis. That about sums it up.




The internet is an incredible place where things of zero importance can sweep the nation and bring millions of people together. It's actually kind of brilliant to know that, despite our differences, an out-of-place attractive dude, grotesquely stretched asshole, shiba inu puppy cam or religiously animated interview can still bring us together as a species, uniting minds across incredible distance and providing hope for humanity (right?).

Fuck religion, screw a cantaloupe! All we need is a gory enough rim shot and collective consciousness will be reached!!!!











Special thanks to onthatpage.wordpress.com. Oh yeah, and Richard Dawkins for making memes a household reality.




































And what would this post be without a few pictures of sad Keanu, quite possibly my favorite meme of all times?