Music video of the day! Rihanna: Man Down

Wait a second: this is genius! Why didn't anyone think of it before? Rihanna has finally released a music video for an island song, and damn: she sounds amazing! It's like she was born on an island or something! My RiRi respect has definitely gone out the roof. Keep it up girl!

Lady Gaga: Judas

Wow. This is awful. When I predicted Lady Gaga's fall from grace, I never thought it would be so trashy. In fact, the only part of this video (or song for that matter) that I cared for, was the part when she wasn't singing at all. Mostly because seeing her get hit by that wave was pretty cool. Other than that...yuck. And why does she always take her clothes off? She just looks like some abuse survivor with her dirty cotton panties. It's actually creeping me out a bit. And wow. Could these lyrics be any worse? When a friend mocked Taio Cruz's "Dynamite" for the extraneous use of the word "sometimes" in the chorus, I was a little hurt inside. But now I can counter with the even more useless inclusion of not 1, but 2 place-filling "baby"s in Gaga's chorus. And she calls herself an artist? Perhaps if she started dating Joaquin Pheonix, I would be slightly more interested in her arts and crafts projects....

Music video of the day!

Wow. Everything about this video is completely amazing. This is pretty much why video was invented: so we can look back on things like this and ask what crazy chain of events could have possibly led to such a bizarre circumstance. I only have one question: which one is his wife?

What the hell is going on with fashion these days?

Wow. So-called "haute-couture," much like the pop music of today, has really gone above and beyond the point of irony. This collection from Louis Vitton's Paris show pretty much epitomizes everything that is currently hideous about fashion. Look at these models!!! They don't even look like women, for one; they are more like androgynous toads that have fused with planks of wood. And the outfits are certainly not doing them any favors!!!! I have long pondered on how powdered wigs, in the style of Fisher's runaway selection, could have evolved out of the primordial fashion ooze (okay okay, so pretty much the same as today: they were copying a celebrity). I mean, they look ridiculous! And everyone wears one and acts like it's normal! In fact, I wish I owned one now! But still.... = the curious case of fugly fashion.

Video Review: Born This Way

Hey hey. So I thought I would throw my two cents into the ring about Gaga's new video before it was all anybody was talking about. Or before they forget it exists. It's a tough window really. Ok, wtf? Bad timing Gaga, because Ke$ha just had unicorns in her video that came out like last week, so that sucks. Yeah, it was just a little piece, but unicorns are unicorns. And just for the record, NPH pretty much unicorned us at for the last decade, so did we really need to start that up again so soon? Also, it seems pretty clear that Gaga did not write that monologue in the beginning. I mean, I'm not convinced that she had ever heard the words, "mitosis, temporal, infinite, pendulum or unwaveringly" before this video. Either that or her transmogrification into Madonna comes complete with early onset of 'I'm going to speak with an accent so people forget I'm American," disease. And wait? Is it okay to say Orient again? I guess I missed that memo. On one final and resounding note: can I just say...there is absolutely zero way to take her message of compassion and self-love seriously when she is prancing around in lingerie trying to show off her new "I'm famous now" figure. Or is this some sort of James Franco/Joaquin Pheonix practice in tomfuckery? Ok wait. I take it back. She's been dressing like a slut forever...

Peace and Love,
Tesla




Update: I was right! She hadn't heard those words before! As MTV so helpfully points out, her monologue is pretty much plucked from the mind of some other crazy who probably doesn't even realize he's being exploited since she paid him in crazy snacks and iguanas....

Denny Brewer: Deep-fried Texas musician/oddball who, along with his son, plays in the band Refried Ice Cream. In recent weeks, Brewer has risen to fame thanks to his recorded ramblings about alternate dimensions, phase-shifting, lizard people and pomegranates that serve as the through-line to Bright Eyes' The People's Key album. Much of what Gaga declares in her "Manifesto of Mother Monster" is lifted from Brewer's playbook: a "mitosis of the future," a "multiverse" and the constantly changing concepts of "temporal" and "eternal."
via MTV.com

News Story of the Day: Vampire Forecloses on His Bank

Yes, you read that right. A Philadelphia vampire turned the tables on Wells Fargo recently when he took them to court for not answering his letters and then tried to foreclose on their building when they ignored court-ordered payment and sheriff's mandates. This story is amazing. Mostly because this video is so freakin' boring. Here I am listening to it in the background and it could be any-old silly news story. But then I look at the image and BAM! it's a vampire!!! I had no idea that the level of political correctedness and tolerance had reached such a high in this country! It's actually a little inspiring. Because I'm pretty sure this could have never happened 10 years ago. Or could it? I'll have to think about it. Either way, as dlisted.com says, "My favorite part is that the reporter dude is never like, "Why the fuck are you wearing fangs?!" Not only has the vampire vs. banks war started off with a bang (or should I say, fang), but this is a giant step forward for vampire and human relations!"

So this is what it's come to....

Apparently of all of the god-forsaken things to be causing a stir about, a black woman wearing black-face is right up there at the top. Yes, that's right....: Beyonce is black. If anything, it seems like people should be uppity about how she's slowly morphing into Christina Aguilera in her spare time. I mean, I think it's weirder to see a black woman wearing white-face than black-face, but that's just me. Or what about those strange hotel commercials where the black man is incapable of swimming or riding a horse or figuring things out? But no. And who was saying that fashion doesn't have power....?










via Necole Bitchie