Video Review: Born This Way

Hey hey. So I thought I would throw my two cents into the ring about Gaga's new video before it was all anybody was talking about. Or before they forget it exists. It's a tough window really. Ok, wtf? Bad timing Gaga, because Ke$ha just had unicorns in her video that came out like last week, so that sucks. Yeah, it was just a little piece, but unicorns are unicorns. And just for the record, NPH pretty much unicorned us at for the last decade, so did we really need to start that up again so soon? Also, it seems pretty clear that Gaga did not write that monologue in the beginning. I mean, I'm not convinced that she had ever heard the words, "mitosis, temporal, infinite, pendulum or unwaveringly" before this video. Either that or her transmogrification into Madonna comes complete with early onset of 'I'm going to speak with an accent so people forget I'm American," disease. And wait? Is it okay to say Orient again? I guess I missed that memo. On one final and resounding note: can I just say...there is absolutely zero way to take her message of compassion and self-love seriously when she is prancing around in lingerie trying to show off her new "I'm famous now" figure. Or is this some sort of James Franco/Joaquin Pheonix practice in tomfuckery? Ok wait. I take it back. She's been dressing like a slut forever...

Peace and Love,
Tesla




Update: I was right! She hadn't heard those words before! As MTV so helpfully points out, her monologue is pretty much plucked from the mind of some other crazy who probably doesn't even realize he's being exploited since she paid him in crazy snacks and iguanas....

Denny Brewer: Deep-fried Texas musician/oddball who, along with his son, plays in the band Refried Ice Cream. In recent weeks, Brewer has risen to fame thanks to his recorded ramblings about alternate dimensions, phase-shifting, lizard people and pomegranates that serve as the through-line to Bright Eyes' The People's Key album. Much of what Gaga declares in her "Manifesto of Mother Monster" is lifted from Brewer's playbook: a "mitosis of the future," a "multiverse" and the constantly changing concepts of "temporal" and "eternal."
via MTV.com